Every Friday Dan and I have a little calendar event that pops up and says “Self Reflection!” I see the reminder and ponder to myself, how did I handle conflict this week, did I speak up for myself, was I able to show those around me that I love them, and did I make the world a better place. Yesterday I came home to a letter from our adoption agency and my heart ached a little. It was our “hey, it’s been 18 months and you still aren’t any closer to becoming parents” letter. I couldn’t even read past the first line which was some quote from an alumni trying to commiserate with how “awful” the wait is. Yes, it is awful, it’s sucks! And this has truly been the hardest thing we have ever done. For more than a year, every Friday I’d feel sorry for myself and my reflections spiraled out of context. I could feel my inner light flickering, and I realized I couldn’t let my fears and self-doubt change who I am, and what I’m still to become.
So now, I reflect on this letter from IAC. I read past the commiseration to stand up to the knowledge that some brave soul is out there looking for us and we’re here with open hearts. Waiting to become a parent is hard, deciding to place a child is… shit, I can’t even imagine how difficult that could be. All I know is we don’t need to be rebranded, pay for a better spot on a page, get added to another website, or pay some ridiculous fee to get featured for 4 hours once a month. Dan and I are good people. We have loving families, the best of friends, a freaking amazing dog, and god, we have so much love to give.
To the expecting mom out there who may stumbles upon our page. We’re down to earth people and realize family IS more than blood. There’s so much more to you than the child you carry, and there’s so much more to us than our required cookie-cutter-smiling-couple template you’ll scroll through. I know we’ll find each other someday and until then, Dan and I will continue to go on adventures and dream our dreams. Whoever you are, wherever you are, we’re here, we’ll wait for you, and we can’t wait to meet you someday.
With all my love and light,